Birthing Babies…Love

The year was 2002. I was 17 years old, and hanging out with my friend girl and  I told her that I’d just found out that I was pregnant. She choked on the blunt. She said to me, ” Bitch, go get an abortion. I’m trying to tell you it’s better for you. Don’t have that baby!.”

I told both my sister and aunt that I was pregnant and both of them said that I should get an abortion. My aunt told me to get the abortion and join the military. I told her that I would be chapped out of the military due to my rebellious attitude. My sister insisted that I call the abortion clinic to get the procedure done.

I did. I called the clinic and set an appointment to get an abortion on my niece’s birthday. I figured that would get her out of making that decision for me. It did.

I thought about it, but I knew that I had already made the decision to carry the baby to term. I felt that that was what I needed…someone to care for.

The decision would not have been mine, I would have been killing to please people who didn’t have my best interests in mind. My friend girl and my sister both had a child, but insisted that I abort my unborn child.

Abortion has become a trend amongst black women in recent years. It seems to be the solution to fucking recklessly…looking for love that they never find outside of themselves.

As a birth mother I get flack for ‘giving away’ my kids, but it’s not such a big deal to get an abortion in our community Ironically, it’s better to hand the child off to a relative and have them raise them while you run off and grow up,  but never do a formal relinquishment of rights.

I’ve had three children. I don’t raise any of them. This decision was made out of love and for lifestyle purposes. I didn’t want to be the struggle who couldn’t provide stability for my children. I am naturally a free bird and am capable of being flexible as far as bouncing around goes, but I would not have wanted my children to be bouncing around with me. That takes a different kind of strength.

The choices to an unplanned pregnancy goes as follows:

Keep the baby and get familial help with the child

Go it alone and be a single mother

Get an abortion

Get married and raise a family

There are women who have been pregnant that many times but ended them in abortion, or gave birth and allow family members to raise them. There are women who are homeless, yet are still raising their children.

These are all choices that women make, and all of them affect her psychologically, socially and economically.

Being a mother and being a parent are two different things, but being a birthmother, or absent mother… doesn’t take away the motherly instincts. What does a woman do to either conceal or display her natural urges?

I have found that self-love has done a great deal of help for me to channel my mothering urges. I found that I cant’t (but I sure try) smother and baby others. It’s annoying. I mean, what 45 year old man wants a 30 year old spit cleaning his face? 😕

After doing extensive excavation of my inner self, I found out that every birth was a way for me to have love. I wasn’t loving myself, so I sought it outside of myself. The yearning was so great, that it produced another beating heart. Three times I went through this…making hearts while neglecting my own.

I found that I was seeking love outside of myself and needed to figure out how to find love within myself, so I wouldn’t continue to make more mini me’s. It was me that had the love I so desperately wanted. Now I have lots of it to give to myself, and sometimes to others.

So for Black women in particular, I want to share this with you. I hope you realize that the lack of love that we can sometimes feel puts us in a quandry as far as us being quite frankly the leaders in single motherhood and we also tend to have multiple children.

Now, hopefully, you know where it stems from and can make choices that don’t alter you or your children’s lives for the worse. Let’s make it for the better. We all have our ways, figure yours out.


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